I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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