i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
