I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
