i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
