You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
