last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
