I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
