the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
