Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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