I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sarcasm needs its own font
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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