It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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