Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
