guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
