Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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