i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
