I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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