See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
