So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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