I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
