just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
