I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
