1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
