I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
