from now on my penis is your penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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