I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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