I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
