Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
