he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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