I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
