so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
