OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
