Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
