Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
