You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
