do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
