let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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