She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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