It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
