Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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