I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
