You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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