therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize