just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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