Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
