so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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