sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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