So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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