i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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