How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
