My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
