I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
