:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My life is pants optional.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
