I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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