Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
