i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
