Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
