Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize