Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
