I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize