Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
