Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
