I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
