We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
