Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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