can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
