she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
