I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
