Kiss
Puke
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
