He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
