So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
