Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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