Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
