oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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