Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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